How to success — Business Bunny, barely getting his low-profile face mic on his large furry white head —large even for his six-foot frame, hops out onto Stage 3 at the FarmCon 2022: Plant the Future. He signaled for the music to stop the Journey-esque inspirational just-do-it Shia Labeouf music died down. His large…

Midwest misanthropic — We turned on PP Ave because I thought it was Q. Rural roads don’t give a fuuuuck! I had decided to turn around when we came upon a ranch. I assumed it was a ranch because it had one of those cool ranch arches with the name and brand on…

My caddywompus life — Sometimes when I’m driving at night, I imagine the silhouettes of large dinosaurs and monsters creeping and cavorting in the darkness of the cornfields. Crushing cornstalks or snowdrifts keeping pace with my car only to be overcome by an even larger predator. My brain jumpy with ideas, I pull over…

What? Me worry? — I was going through old advertising pitches and dug up a couple of doozies that I thought were pretty good. But the ad agents in my head — they made Don Draper cry into his Canadian Cub, neat — had the final say. …

Find out why — Greed is good. — Gordon Gekko You put a baby in a crib with an apple and a rabbit. If it eats the rabbit and plays with the apple, I’ll buy you a new car. — Harvey Diamond Don’t get into a crib with a baby. — Business Bunny If…

A one-sided conversation — This country was founded on freedom and doing what you want. I don’t know why people can’t see that. I can’t go one day without someone forgetting the most important right — aside from the gun one — is to do what you want. The day I give up that…

Patriots will save this country, one meal at a time — Before we get started, let me dispel a little myth. We don’t want you to die. Of course not. Logically, it might seem as though we even want ourselves to die before we give everyone healthcare. No. We just don’t think we should be responsible for everyone’s hospital bills. We’re…

I am the squirrel whisperer — I used to talk to squirrels. Once, anyway. When I was in college, I was walking back to the dorms after parking my girlfriend’s car. It had been a long week and I needed a break from the grueling 20-hour work week and my permanent vacation from my studies. I…

My rescue dog laughed at me — I stood up from the toilet after pampering my butt with the bidet and subsequently fell facedown to the floor. If it were anyone else, I would have howled in laughter. I attempted to push myself up and fell back to the cracked linoleum. …